5 Signs of Codependency – http://wp.me/p7bq2c-23z
Month: March 2017
See the Dream; Be the Dream
I have a burning desire, and this desire will come to pass, I am almost there, I can see that dream; I shall have that dream. That dream is to live my life, traveling in a sweet RVan, a nicely appointed van type vehicle complete with kitchen, bathroom, bed, water tanks, solar power, a genset it is basically a tiny house on wheels, for me to begin the last big stage of my life. I am going alone, leaving my husband in California, where I shall return from time to time. This is about fulfilling my dream, the why, the reasons, the how, the purpose and exactly what I will do to go about achieving this dream come true, as soon as possible. The photos here are what I am looking for in my new tiny house, the sort of rig I have decided I want, after looking at hundreds of RVs, I feel I need to purposefully visualize this dream to make it a reality within the next year.
Here is the basic shell, a van about 20′ long, which gets decent gas mileage, is easy for me to drive and park in a normal size space, a rig that will fit me like a glove.
This rig has a side door and an awning and I want to have both features, as well as a back door, so I can fling open all those doors to enjoy my latest view. Since I will usually be flying solo, I won’t need alot of room, and I plan to enjoy the outdoors everyday by using a folding table, my art easel, a comfy folding chair and even string some lights from the awning. My doggy enjoys being outside and will have lots of opportunities to explore also. I understand leaving a huge pair of well-worn work boots outdoors will give the impression I have a bulky protector somewhere close by, my big doggy will help and I can always dig out my trusty pepper spray if I need to, security is important but not to the point of being afraid.
In order to be truly independent and off grid I would like to be outfitted with solar power and an inverter which will silently power my 12 volt batteries, using a generator is alright in an otherwise noisy area, but I love quietude and I want to escape for days at a time, so a solar array like the one pictured below on the roof of my RVan, would be ideal.
With this type of power grid my days of spending $30 bucks a night in an RV park will be limited to when I choose to do so, such as for a rally or meet-up. Which takes me to the invisible and quiet goal of my dream. I understand in order to maintain this lifestyle and thrive with like-minded individuals who desire to remain out of the public eye and keep this way of life intact, I need to be very low key, very quiet, almost invisible. I can appreciate that sentiment very much. When I camped before, the four other times I have done this in my life, I was always very annoyed by noisy campers and rowdy partiers. No one likes an asshat. Turning on a generator at 3am is annoying, so if I can switch on the light switch and have power without noise I am down for that way to live. My goal is a quiet life, I occasionally meditate and I want peace and serenity for my soul.
Another thing that I have identified is, what is my purpose for being on the road, in a van, living the life of a wanderer. The fact is, I have so many reasons it seems silly to list them but I will, because having a purpose for this lifestyle is like any other purpose in life, if I don’t know why I am doing something, then really why bother, so this is the short list of my recognized reasons to roam.
First of all I have met alot of people online over the years and developed relationships and I would like to have a chance to visit those friends and family members who I have either never met or who I long to see again. Next, sightseeing our spectacular natural wonders is right at the top of my list, I love the State and National Park systems and plan on visiting as many parks as I can, staying on BLM land is something I have never done so I would like to enjoy those opportunities also.
I am a history buff and try to see various historical sights around the country and as a genealogist there are many family history places for me to discover as well especially in Virginia and north. Just the historical endeavours alone will tend to keep me busy. In addition, I enjoy painting and will carry an easel so that I can paint landscapes for myself or paint peoples’ pets if they would like to pay me. My other interests are guitar, ukulele and fishing and I will have plenty of time to enjoy them all.
I will have to fit everything into my small van, this is a typical layout of the type of RVan I want purchase soon.
The dinette makes into a bed, there is a small 3 piece bathroom and a small functioning kitchen, everything I will need to live comfortably and humbly.
Kitchen looks toward cockpit with small bathroom across from the kitchen sink, and a large comfy bed in the rear section, there is lots of storage under the bed for my guitar and art supplies, the fishing tackle is really compact too. The genealogy research will need to be compacted also! Oh and clothes, oh my goodness I have work to do!
Funding this excursion is entirely on me, fully self sufficient, I have been employed for decades and now reap the benefits of retirement income, that is, if the politicians don’t ruin everything, also I have multiple things I can sell and make for profit, I plan to travel frugally and I know how to make a buck squeal, so I think I am pretty good for now, every year I can come back to California and work for a time in my chosen profession, during winter months to augment my small income. In other words, no one else is paying my way, I am paying my own expenses.
I plan to have lots of fun, I have many interests and ideas to try even more new things, I will only be bored if I choose to be, boredom is a kind of suffering, and loneliness on the road may be my biggest anticiapted source of suffering, that along with any trouble I could perhaps encounter, I hope to get a rig that is well equipped and not likely to fall apart after 500 miles, especially since my trip is laid out at over 13,000 miles. I like to focus on the positive while solving problems as they pop up. That is how I will travel a day at a time.
Here is a map of my adventure to be, beginning and ending in California.
Every journey begins with a plan, I have always been a planner and I am working hard to envision a fruitful experience that will color me happy and hit all the high notes. I feel so incredibly fortunate to be embarking on another adventure, my life has been full of them and I see absolutely NO reason to stop enjoying my life now. Let’s GO!
Just read Reed, its a good one!
Greetings, My name is Reed Rombough, I hold no authority in this community of van dwellers. My opinion and my message hold no weight. This message is not designed to command you to do anything, I speak merely of suggestions and wishes. I speak out of fear and worry of what will happen to this […]
via A Letter to all New and Future #vanlife #vandwellers — My Everyman Story
Your Territory vs. Mine
I need to have a clear understanding of where your territory ends and mine begins in order to enjoy a healthy relationship, which is normally my goal when interacting with people in my life, either briefly or for much longer time frames.
This territory involves several areas for consideration including my physical space or body, which is fairly easy to define. I prefer a minimum of 1-2 feet of personal space around my body, unless I invite you to be closer, either by words, actions or previous experience. Close talkers and hoverers make me feel uncomfortable and I will generally take a full step back from their overly close proximity, to regain my personal space comfort level. I do not worry that taking a step away will hurt their feelings, I am more concerned with my own. In the past when I was a true codependent I would of endured high levels of discomfort so that YOU could be comfortable even if I only thought you might be offended.
My emotional territory is a more elusive factor, and also depends on our past experience. I wear my heart on my sleeve, its easy to tell my mood, in fact just this morning at work, someone I have had a few interactions with could immediately “tell” that today I am upset, out of sorts and she intruded by wanting to know what happened. I claimed my emotional territory by telling her nothing was wrong, she knows I am not being 100% truthful and I do not care, its none of her business what is wrong today. It’s just not her territory. In the past people would say mind your own business.
That leaves both mental and spiritual territory which I treat in much the same manner as my emotional territory. I guard against those who would unknowingly upset my balance. Sometimes its myself. I grew up a melancholy child, I trace it back to being sexually abused by several people, there was the gang of 3 teenagers when I was nine who terrorized me in a laundry room.
They did not need to actually penetrate me in order to do lasting damage. There was the father of twins from down the street who tried to kiss me in his car, I knew what his intention was too. My older cousin, home from the war who cornered me when I was 14, what a slime ball. And the older girl who invited me to spend the night, I was so thrilled to have her attention, and then she did put her hands inside my vagina. I ran home crying and never spoke of the betrayal until, well, until I was 39 years old. That was when I recognized I own my personal territory. Just me. It’s all mine. No one else has the right to my body, my mind, my soul or my brain. I may give my territory with my explicit permission, but I get to say when. Maybe this comes naturally for some people but it did not for me, I have had to create safe spaces, I have had to learn my boundaries. Because I have learned mine, now I recognize your territory also. I now know exactly what my territory is today and because I know, I feel secure.
Truth as Elixir
Elixir Word today: Elixir
The inevitability of truth causes me to continuously confront people who deny my feeling reality, my emotional health depends upon my willingness to be true to myself as I attempt to do so without hurting anothers’ feelings, although my own feelings are certainly more important to me then theirs, its that truth, that elixir that keeps me moving forward. Anything else is codependent.
Expectations are essentially premeditated resentments, so limiting my false expectations to the sureness of things that “will truly be” is a way to stay out of the way of harmful expectations. I cannot afford excess resentments, I am still dealing with some that are lifelong or reoccuring, generally having to do with past unresolved relationships.
Truth with people in my life means that I am able to say, “Wait, that is not correct, you do not get to ignore my reality” and have expectations that’re ok, for instance, someone says, “Oh no you shouldn’t think that” I call bullshit. I get to think and feel exactly how I feel without your need for me to think or feel a way that makes you feel more comfortable. Your need for me to cheer up is your problem. Yours.
This is when truth is an elixir in my life. I do not have to hide behind a veil of your needs, I am free to be myself. Intimacy is very important to me and there can be NO intimacy in the presence of fakeness. For real intimacy to occur, for it to be a real elixir to life, I have to be myself at all times, the truest form of me that I can muster, I need to be me, express me, without fear, it is not easy. And the second part of real intimacy is for YOU to be the real you. For you to teach me who you are, not hide behind a mask of false feelings, fake realities and phony persona, no, in actuality real intimacy depends on you being your real self. And finally the third part of true intimacy is for WE, the two of us, in any relationship, romantic, friendly, whatever, it is for we to be who we really are together, the real us. That can only emerge when we are our real selves to begin with, in the moment, in the now.
Hence, intimacy, is that lovely elixir of life and truth exists when I am me, and you are you, and we are we together.
Insomniac
Right, sometimes the bliss of sleep eludes . . . bittersweet extra, unwanted time in my life I resent as I try to let go and relax, to turn off the mental file cabinet that flicks through the exposed feelings, the activities, the remnants of my day. Anticipating the dawn, and another workday, I grow weary enough to try again, so, lightly tip toe down the carpeted hallway to necessary relief, then walk softly back to my cozy, big bed, yearning for blessed sleep.
Purple, a Color & Feeling
via Daily Prompt: Purple I am one of these emotive people, its difficult to separate my awarenesses of daily life from the feelings prompted by them, sometimes intensely so.
Purple can be light, dark, medium and every shade in between, just this morning on my way in to downtown I saw a tiny car of a shade of purple usually refered to as lavender, but I called it purple to the person in the car with me, outloud.
Purple is associated with the lore of royalty and modern day spirituality and is considered a regal, important color. It can be found in both nature and is often man made and for me it gives off a positive feeling of intuitive knowing and comfort.
Purple is inherently good.
Am I Too Precious?
A really good question, I read on a vanlife blog today and its stuck in my head. Really, am I too precious?
I do pamper myself sometimes, mainly in the way of wanting to feel comfortable and content and doing whatever is needed to feel mostly happy. For a melancholy person that is not always easy but I have reached an age that I fully acknowledge being happy and content is so much more pleasant than feeling blue, pissed off or discontent a majority of the time.
How did that switch happen? For a lot of reasons, primarily having to do with wanting a better, more fulfilled life. Desire is at the heart of choosing Happy, finding and doing things I enjoy is key, being with people I connect with and limiting others absolutely essential. Creating is life blood, getting plenty of rest, being of service to others who need help and making a long term plan for the rest of my life have all given me a tangible sense of purpose and that feels GOOD. That goal includes vanlife, buying my RVan as I like to call it, furnishing it in a way that is pleasant to me, and then taking off on my trip around North America. And going alone is key to my happiness. Is it risky? Not really. I plan to have adequate, legal protection and I’ll have a big dog with me too. My little beloved Darby is too sweet, old and blind to go on a big trip and she wouldn’t help in a crisis, no, I need a big dog that would actually protect me if someone came after me. So although some friends and family members are freaked out about my solo van trip from a safety perspective I will not be swayed. That’s not too precious. It’s being careful.
People along for the ride? Sure its a possibility if someone close would want to fly to a city near me and join me for a week, yes thats foreseeable, the van will be small and only have one bed so that means the person would need to share the bed and my agenda for the most part, so we will see what happens there. Yes, that attitude could be perceived as somewhat precious, its just that I don’t care, this adventure is mine. I am not about to develop resentments because I am having to alter my time schedule, route or anything. Maybe being precious is not really such a bad thing, maybe having a goal, an intention is what is crucial. I’ll think more about it and allow myself to sway with the tradewinds to become a tad more accomodating.
Music and Art and Singing, OH MY!
I was a young eight or nine year old child when I got my first real acknowledgement of a drawing I had done, I had worked very hard on a piece for my Nannie, who was very sick in the hospital and was going to have her actual heart valve replaced, so early in the advent of heart repair that it made the local newspaper in Sacramento. My little drawing was a pencil piece of a wagon wheel leaning on a farm fence with an old oak tree and a winding road into the horizon. I have always enjoyed landscapes and realistic art. I brought it to Nannie’s bedside and watched her face light up with such wonder, I was hooked on creating art.
At an early age I sang in the school choir, not really confident of my voice but slowly learning to express myself, and at 12 I bought my first acoustic guitar at a drug store with my own money, I think it was ten bucks. I picked at the chords, took some lessons from Skip’s Music at Southgate, and learned simple tunes and sometimes my younger siblings would let me play and sing for them, they said I could really sing and play, one of my sisters, Janet, also took up the guitar later and she still enjoys playing. By the time I was 16 I was hosting living rooms gatherings of my school friends, we played Dylan and Simon and Garfunkel and generally had a swell time. Mom let us explore the music safely and was gracious to let me have half a dozen young men in our house at one time. Come to think of it, that was really tremendous of her.By the time I was 17, I was engaged to one of those friends and we later lived the hippie lifestyle, he was a wonderful guitarist, still is today, and today my first husband is transitioning to become a woman, I am very happy to be a part of her life and still love her with my whole heart.
I have continued to play music occasionally and get together with the same fellows, decades later, now that I am back on the Mainland, we try to play once a month. I played at Steve’s funeral a few years ago and have played some festivals and local clubs, just for fun. It was a dream to be able to do so, I’m not very good, but I am passionate and apparently that counts for something in this world. I have dabbled in other art forms also, needle arts, dramatic arts, and crafting projects. My Hawaii friend Tina and I hosted a cable access tv show for 13 episodes and did various projects for our 7 or 8 viewers, we didn’t care, we had a ball planning and doing the show. When I was a preschool teacher in Hawaii, everyday was a lesson in creating ideas to educate and entertain a dozen three year olds. The importance of creativity in my life is as crucial as breathing. I must paint, I must sing, I must create.
Da Beach
When I was nine my family moved to the small, island town of Alameda, California for one year. Going from the Sacramento suburbs to a condo just a half block from the ocean, actually San Francisco Bay, was wild stuff for us and I loved it. My brother, Jack, could dig for clams faster than any human ever, which thrilled my Mother to pieces. Daddy worked as a tax paying card player in the local card rooms and raised five rambunctious kids, with this non-traditional career, while Mom always stayed home.
Our house was pretty happy and that year by the beach was extraordinary. We walked the half block nearly everyday after school at Donald D. Lum Elementary, just to check out what we could find on the beach any given day, be it weird looking jelly fish or once a giant shark. We also had a huge, pool at the condo and we swam there as well, my baby twin sisters learned to swim in that pool. I helped to teach them. My brother could do hundreds of laps without stopping, he was in kindergarten and once an Olympic coach came to watch his tremendous ability and said Jack could be a distance swimmer for sure. We already knew that, the coach wanted to train him to be an Olympian. The water was the central idea to our families life.
As an adult, I visited beaches as often as I could, loving the ocean, the waves, the rhythm, the colors, the sound, the peace I felt just watching the ocean be, the tides and their almost hypnotic motion, I was so drawn to the water. That year by the beach in Alameda, stuck with me forever and decades later when my pal Steve wanted us to move to Hawaii together, it was a no-brainer, of course I would move to Hawaii. There I became intimately connected to many beaches, first on Oahu, then Maui, actually every major island in the archipelago, beaches of every type. On Oahu my favorite beach remains Kailua Beach and in Maui I still love Kam III, I feel like I know every grain of sand. I never, ever tired of ‘going to da beach’ and I hope I never will,
I stayed and lived happily in Hawaii for 23 years.
Jillymaui 