Am I confused or is my mind really a Maze of contradictions?
Depending upon the day, or the time of day I can be jumbled up in my cognitive ability. This is a result of living longer than I expected, my miss-spent youth, being overly tired most of the time, and not caring all that much, unless I am at work, of course! Then I care 100%. Yeah, NO.
The result is I sometimes forget appointments now, or I forget I have told someone something, so I tend to write down everything nowadays. For instance, someone called while my co-worker was on break, I wrote it down, and did not remember to tell her until I saw the paper I wrote the note to myself on, things like that. And its a new phenomenon, in my younger years, I could keep all appointments straight, all important days recalled, and all messages delivered without so much as a post-it.
Today it confounds me that I could remember so much information and rarely make a mistake. I would not trust myself to do that even with a dental hygientist appointment now, and I really hate going to the dentist. Nope I automatically put appointments in my phone, on the calendar at work and on my calendar at home as well. Hopefully that way I won’t make a crucial error that will unnecessarily cost me more money than the appointment does in the first place.
I ask myself, what is my mind jumbled up with anyway? I am not a worrier so it’s not that, but I do like to plan things, so I kind of go thru the steps of thinking about upcoming fun and making plans or lists of things I would like to enjoy. I am also a buyer, so I like to think of things I need for my van now and then look for them later online. Hence, sort of daydreaming about purchases. I like clothes and shoes and think about them a lot. Whatever, the point is I am thinking about things I want to think about, and in a random sequence, not unlike when I hold a remote control and flip thru the channels catching seconds of one show or a half a minute of another.
The same thing happens on insomnia nights when I cannot get to sleep, out comes the remote in my brain and I click thru the entire contents of said brain, with little or no organizational skills attached. It is somewhat disconcerting, but I never run out of things to think about, think, not worry. To me that is an important distinction, I do not waste my time worrying, I have a friend that does all of my worrying for me and she enjoys it, I do not.
So the maze in my mind is a kind of interesting component of my life, I think I will keep it.