The Maze of My Mind

Am I confused or is my mind really a Maze of contradictions?

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Depending upon the day, or the time of day I can be jumbled up in my cognitive ability. This is a result of living longer than I expected, my miss-spent youth, being overly tired most of the time, and not caring all that much, unless I am at work, of course! Then I care 100%. Yeah, NO.

The result is I sometimes forget appointments now, or I forget I have told someone something, so I tend to write down everything nowadays.  For instance, someone called while my co-worker was on break, I wrote it down, and did not remember to tell her until I saw the paper I wrote the note to myself on, things like that.  And its a new phenomenon, in my younger years, I could keep all appointments straight, all important days recalled, and all messages delivered without so much as a post-it.

Today it confounds me that I could remember so much information and rarely make a mistake. I would not trust myself to do that even with a dental hygientist appointment now, and I really hate going to the dentist.  Nope I automatically put appointments in my phone, on the calendar at work and on my calendar at home as well.  Hopefully that way I won’t make a crucial error that will unnecessarily cost me more money than the appointment does in the first place.

I ask myself, what is my mind jumbled up with anyway?  I am not a worrier so it’s not that, but I do like to plan things, so I kind of go thru the steps of thinking about upcoming fun and making plans or lists of things I would like to enjoy.  I am also a buyer, so I like to think of things I need for my van now and then look for them later online.  Hence, sort of daydreaming about purchases.  I like clothes and shoes and think about them a lot.  Whatever, the point is I am thinking about things I want to think about, and in a random sequence, not unlike when I hold a remote control and flip thru the channels catching seconds of one show or a half a minute of another.

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The same thing happens on insomnia nights when I cannot get to sleep, out comes the remote in my brain and I click thru the entire contents of said brain, with little or no organizational skills attached.  It is somewhat disconcerting, but I never run out of things to think about, think, not worry.  To me that is an important distinction, I do not waste my time worrying, I have a friend that does all of my worrying for me and she enjoys it, I do not.

So the maze in my mind is a kind of interesting component of my life, I think I will keep it.

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Author: Jillymaui - My Van Life Adventures

A hopeful solo RVan life traveling gal, enjoy the last decades of my life, I love wildlife, genealogy, SF Giants baseball, swimming, painting, guitar playing, singing, sightseeing, and writing.

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